Goodbye Kinderling (for now at least)

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It’s been more than a year since I last posted here. It’s been more than a year since I picked up my camera. It’s been a long year.

This time last year, I returned from a road trip to find my mom in much worse health than when I left. Her COPD was getting worse by the day and quickly stealing her independance. For the next few months, I hauled myself and my toddler to her house day after day, week after week to look after her. Eventually we just moved in because the back and forth was taking its toll. By the end of the summer, it was clear there would be no bouncing back and we finally convinced her to accept hospice care and move in with us. Two weeks later, she died in our home surrounded by a houseful of family and friends.

That was nine months ago. It’s hard for me to believe that I’ve been without a mother for three quarters of a year. I’ve never experienced the loss of someone so important and so real. I feel orphaned and uprooted. And the grief has changed me.

It’s made me want to hide in a dark room by myself for days on end. It’s also made me want to run out the door and regurgitate my feelings onto complete strangers. It’s landed me in some truly awkward situations, distanced me from some people and brought me closer to others. It’s given me panic attacks, nightmares, and serious bouts of depression while at the same time exposing life at its most beautiful. It’s hardened me so much. But it’s also softened me. I see the world with both more cynicism and more hope, simultaneously.

To put it bluntly, grief is a big giant mess. It’s sticky and dirty and you can never quite clean it off. But it’s part of me now. And I’m trying to figure out how to navigate this new life without my mom. Most days I feel like I’m failing miserably.

Our society sucks at talking about death. We like to shove it in a box, hide it away and ignore it. We drown it in platitudes and avoid naming it for what it is. Death is death is death. There is no coming back and no more “what if’s”. There is only before and after.

Maybe that’s why we can’t acknowledge it. Because if we did, if we truly acknowledged our own mortality, we would be faced with a very difficult question: Is this, right now, whatever I’m doing, how I want to spend my one and only life? Does my life, as it exists in this moment, reflect my values and my truth?

Those questions have simmered in the back of my mind for the last nine months and I am a different person than I was before. My parenting has changed. My values have changed. My priorities have changed. Everything about my life and my family’s future looks different now.

I guess that brings me to the point of this post. I’m closing up Kinderling. Photography just doesn’t do it for me anymore. Maybe I’ll pick up my camera again some day, but there are no guarantees. What I really want to do is write. It’s what I’ve always come back to. Writing feeds me in a way nothing else ever has. And I’m letting myself accept that. I want to give it the space it deserves in my life.

So, farewell for now Kinderling. It was fun while it lasted.

 

Spring Mini Sessions

May Mini Sessions!

I have six slots available for in-studio mini sessions on May 31st!

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The Details:

When is it?

May 31st, 2014, 10:00am-1:00pm

Who is it for?

Kids! Ages 6 months – 14 years
*Due to time constraints, I can only accommodate up to 3 children per session.

What does it include?

  • A 15 minute studio session
  • Password-protected online proofing gallery of 10 edited images from the session in both color and black and white (20 images total) available for two weeks
  • Five high resolution files of your choice with a print release (so you can have them printed anywhere)

*additional files/prints/products will be available for purchase separately

Where is it?

At my studio which is conveniently located at HWY 280 and University Ave in Saint Paul.

How much does it cost?

$150 (I know?!? What a steal!)

How do I sign up?

Fill out the form below!
*a 50% non-refundable deposit is required to secure your spot. I will email an invoice after receiving your form submission.



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On Location: At Home | Minneapolis Family Photographer

Location. Location. Location. Whether you’re buying a house or creating a photograph, it’s all about location. And there is no location more personal than your very own home. Sure, we all love those beautiful photographs of children running through a field of flowers or a family having a casual picnic in the woods, but there are great benefits to being photographed in your own home.

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1. Everything is meaningful.

A field of wildflowers is pretty, but your home is where you spend your life. Everything about it holds meaning. There’s the sofa where you’ll spent sleepless nights feeding or cuddling sick or scared kids. The color you thought about for weeks before drenching the nursery walls in it. The blanket your grandmother made for your baby or your child’s favorite book. And so many other memories you’ll look back on with fondness as your family grows. Don’t discount the importance these things will hold when your kids are grown or your family has moved. All those little details are what make up the story of your life together.

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2. The kids are comfortable.

Your kids will be more comfortable and open up to the photographer more easily if they are surrounded by familiar things. Children often take great pride in showing off their rooms or giving tours of their homes. It makes them feel more in control. And that leads to relaxed, happy kids, which leads to great shots. Plus, you have easy access to diapers, food, pacifiers, stuffed animals or whatever else might soothe a nervous child all without having to pack a bag.

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3. The photos will naturally coordinate with your decor

You already know the photos will look great on your walls and they’ll showcase your own unique sense of style. It’s nearly impossible to create cookie-cutter photos in such a personal setting.

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4. You don’t have to go anywhere

Let’s face it. Getting out the door with kids is hard. Getting out the door with kids on time for a photo session that I’m sure you planned your outfits for is ten times harder. Having the session at home at least removes a good deal of that stress and makes for a more relaxed family.

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So next time you’re planning your family’s portrait session, consider doing it at home. Sure, you might have to clean up a bit. But really you can just shove all the clutter into a closet or a room that won’t be used for the photoshoot. Some of my favorite shots of all time have been at my clients’ homes. Something magical happens there. The pressure lessens. Families open up and let me in. And that’s what makes a beautiful photograph.

If you’re interested in booking a session. Head on over to my booking page and contact me to get started.