Letters to My Son is a personal writing and photography project. It’s my attempt to capture these fleeting moments in my our lives before they’re gone forever.
Months have passed since I last wrote. Busy. Things have been busy. It’s not an excuse, just a fact. I have a new appreciation for the word these days. A stack of dishes three times your size waits for me in the kitchen. The post office closes in
an hour 30 minutes and I probably won’t make it. Even though I need to. I’m sitting in a half painted room surrounded by piles of boxes with nowhere to go. But I needed to write. More than I needed to wash or clean or paint or run errands.
It’s been too long. Plus, you’re napping.
It’s your first summer and after a bout of tremendous storms that uprooted trees and knocked out power for most of the state for days on end, the famous sticky sweet Minnesota heat is finally descending upon us. As much as I’ve despised the heavy hot Minnesota summers in my life, it’s a welcome retreat from weeks of rainy gray skies.
We’re getting comfortable in our new home now, despite the long list of to-do’s. A list, I’m afraid, that will only grow longer as the days, weeks, and months pass. But there are things far more important to do. Like taking walks. Building routines.
This has not always been easy for me. It may seem that way on the surface sometimes, but I want you to know that making friends is hard work. You have to build up a friendship out of nothing. Brick by brick. Year by year. It takes a long time. Especially if you’re hard to know. Like me.
I’ve always envied people who seem good at it. People who can pull up an empty chair next to a stranger and have an easy conversation. But I know even then it’s not as simple as it appears.
For me, it’s a constant battle between head and heart. My head swarms with insecurities. The same ones from awkward younger days. “Will they like me?” “Will I have something to talk about?” “Am I cool enough?” Yes. It’s true. Those insecurities haven’t gone away just because I’m older. But I know in my heart the rewards. That it’s all worth it.
There are few things in life better than sitting down with an old friend over a cup of coffee (or an ice cold beer – when you’re old enough) and talking about nothing at all. You’ll understand one day.
So, despite my nagging fear of rejection and awkwardness, I joined a Meetup group for moms and babes. As uncomfortable as it is, I need to do it. Partly for you. Partly for me. We both need new friends these days. My old ones are great, don’t get me wrong. I love them like an old quilt. Holes and all. But most of them are busy now. Off building their own lives. And I just don’t see them much anymore.
So now I’m navigating the land of play dates and book clubs. And you know what? It’s not as scary as I thought. And you know what else? Generally people are much more forgiving and welcoming than you think. I’m hoping to come out of it with a few keepers. For you and for me.
And oh, by the way, you are crawling now! And eating solids like a champ. And standing up. And growing out of all the clothes we have bought for you!
Unfortunately you still only have those two teeth you got right away. The rest are taking their sweet time to come on out.